Final Countdown

I'm sitting in Hartsfield-Jackson again. I'm juggling my own proposals for funding and my student's papers, abstracts, and theses. (My own papers are somehow very secondary right now.) There's an older couple sitting across from me sharing a newspaper. The entire idea of having the time to read a newspaper (at all, let alone in a leisurely, chatty fashion with my spouse) is beyond me. I can't imagine what it feels like to not have ten different things to do right now and another fifty or so to do as soon as possible. My husband assures me that people who don't work for universities or research centers have some concept of leaving work (and not taking it with them). I don't know what that must feel like either. We're going on "vacation" this week and I have a minimum of two to four hours of work planned for every single day of it. I guess I could work the whole time but that would sort of defeat the point of taking time off wouldn't it?

The pace of work I am currently juggling is a bit frantic even for me. I usually at least try to not let work take over my life. Right at this moment though, it's not optional. In a little under two weeks, I will work my last day at the University of Houston, pack up what's left of my stuff, and drive to Georgia. There are things that absolutely have to be done before then but it's official- I'm moving.

The next reasonable question that anyone who knows me asks is "oh that's great! where did you finally find a job?" I didn't. After 18 long months of holding out on moving in order to find a job, I'm moving without one. The alternate title for this blog post was "Right isn't Easy" and that's an important part of what is going on with me right now.

I made the decision to move job-less a few months ago and it's been an emotional roller coaster every day since then. I've been haltingly asked so many times "you don't seem very happy with this decision?" There's no easy answer. Some days I can't wait to move. Other days I am absolutely crushed to be leaving a job that I genuinely love, where I work with people that I am happy to work with. It's a little like eating vegetables though- they don't always make you happy but they're definitely better for you. I didn't make this choice to make myself happy (or my husband happy for that matter), I made it for my own mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Unfortunately, the right thing is often really hard.

For someone who always has a plan for everything, not knowing what will come next is an incredible challenge. I'll probably look back someday in the future and think "oh, that was the plan all along, whether I knew it or not." In the meantime though, there's a lot of semi-aimless wandering happening and I'm ready to be done with it.